It rained in the evening today. I grabbed my coffee from the hostel canteen, borrowed my friend’s guitar and speakers, and rushed to my floor. There is a small balcony near our floor’s pantry, nearby my room. Trust me, there is nothing more beautiful than watching the rain, with a cup of coffee and great music, sitting alongside your love. For me, nothing beats that feel. That’s my idea of perfect place, always.
Anyhow, after the rain, an event organised by the college and few works later, I called my mother. She was happy to have traveled comfortably for the first time after her surgery that took place few months back. She was bit shocked by the phone call made by my principal to her, regarding my suspension. She knew that, since it was the fourth time, I might have been expelled from the college. After a brief discussion on this topic and many others, she asked me, “aren’t you writing the second part of that blog post today? Forgot? Go, tell the world with pride about all your mischief and stupidity”. I don’t know why, but I love this attitude of hers, when she tries to scold and correct me, but on being a failure, helplessly gets upset and comments about each and every move of mine. 😅
Yesterday I came back to my room, and by evening I refused to pay the fine. And I was issued a warning, which mentioned that if I won’t pay the fine, I might get suspended from the college. I was nervous, but equally shocked. How could this happen? It’s absurd. No one cared to hear my side and asked me to leave. Perhaps intimidated by the Principal’s stern voice and the clerk’s victorious grin, I didn’t speak a word and locked myself inside my hostel room. I thought about the situation.
- It’s month end, I don’t have the money to pay tomorrow.
- If I borrow it from my parents, I’d have to tell them about the suspension. However they would be shocked now, due to the memo issued. I don’t want to initiate a talk about this scene, and asking them for money would definitely make me answer all their questions.
- Getting suspended for 3 weeks would definitely make me lose the opportunity to attend the research program, along with the classes covered.
- I lost my scholarship, which was very important to me. I am actually charger guilty of something I haven’t done.
I had no other option than proving myself. But I didn’t know how. I tried to act cool, and I kept my calm. But inside my head, I was totally nervous. I almost starter crying even when pretending to laugh at my friend’s joke. I was too scared to meet the Principal. I already assumed that she would judge me for that argument. I was confused. I tried to contact the person whom I always went to in such situation, with whom I discussed my doubts and insecurities. But I didn’t feel like bothering him today. Maybe I felt like I lost that connection with him. He was no more the person I knew . Or in other words, ille him in my mind, and he no longer was alive for me. Now, along with the nervousness, this grief of losing such a person hit me very hard.
I came to my room, and started crying. Suddenly I get a call from my mother.
“What is the new issue now? Why this memo and all? What happened to your certificates? And who is this office staff? Why did you scold him?”
My fears turned true. Amma asked me in a neutral tone, but I couldn’t answer her questions. After a long silence, I started narrating her the entire event; without any emotions or biases. I wanted her to decide where I was wrong, if I was, or what was left for me to do. Why did they frame me so? I knew that she could answer all these things very well. But inside my mind, I knew that she would blame me for raising my voice which led to the situation turn bad there. I could have spoken in a soft manner.
She heard all these things patiently, and then asked me if I had my coffee. I was surprised at her silly question, and told her to understand that this is not a joke. She asked me, “why did you raise your voice now?”. I didn’t know the answer, “maybe because I felt helplessness, as I didn’t get the reply I expected from you” I spoke something gibberish. “Well, it wasn’t out of anger or with the intention to intimidate me, was it?” she asked with a smile. I was annoyed for this out of the context talk of hers. “Why would I do that? Now come to the point amma. Please don’t make me more confused with such questions. I don’t have the patience to answer them all now” I spoke to her, rather I shouted.
“Okay listen”, she started her answer on which I had the hope of finding my solution, “the main reason why Principal was angry on you and didn’t hear your side was, because she heard you shouting. Or too intimidating on the other person. Now, she doesn’t know what made you do so. And you didn’t do this to scare the clerk. You wanted to prove your point and get your work done, because you felt you deserved their time and effort now. Also, you were embarrassed by the way they made fun of you, and that made you speak in a stern manner rather than pleading like earlier. So, if you think you were right and your effort to prove your side was mistaken for anger, you should go and speak to your Principal. You must give her the right judgement about you. Or else, we would pay the fine. You won’t be suspended and you could continue your program in Harvard. It’s your choice. Continue at the cost of the fine paid and by losing your character, or talking about this and proving that you were right”.
Sometimes I feel that my parents are far better writers and orators than me. Yes, I mean it. But I was still confused, whether or not it would be correct to speak to my Principal, she has this impression of me being a short tempered, ill behaved girl. ” The other day you wrote in your blog about intentions, consequences and the former being controlled, not the latter, etc. Do you really mean what you write, or is it just hypocrisy? I was curious, always!” she asked me with a tinge of sarcasm. But I was embarrassed, ” no no. I mean every word at the time of writing. If I change my views later, I write about that too. Why do you think that I’m a hypocrite, Amma?” I retaliated. She laughed and asked me to keep the phone, as she was busy.
With all the courage, and the confidence obtained after rehearsing my speech with the Principal, I left my hostel. It was around 8 pm. I doubted the presence of my Principal in college at this hour, yet thought to go. And she was there. I went to her, and she recognised me, “Ah, Meghana. Come. Why are you here now? Had your dinner?” she sounded really sweet. “Ma’am, I wanted to speak about the evening, if you have time to, may I?” her smile melted away my nervousness. “See, what you did was wrong Meghana, and I came to know later that your Harvard program is after two weeks. So, I would make your suspension done after you come back, I know that you have worked hard for this. I won’t let your mistake kill the fruit of your hard work. You may go now, have your dinner soon” she switched off the room’s lights and shut the door to lock it.
“Ma’am, that’s really kind of you to postpone the suspension, but I didn’t get the point of me being suspended when I didn’t do anything as claimed by the clerk. Please ma’am, let me narrate you what exactly happened there, right from the morning.” She sat on the chair outside her room, and I narrated everything to her, exactly the way i did to my mom.
“Is he there in the office, the clerk? If he is still there, ask him to meet me now” she said. She spoke in a sweet tone, and I was confused by her motive of calling him.
I went to the office, saw him there, and asked him to meet her. He agreed and accompanied me.
“Please get me the documents she had submitted. You told me that some papers were missing. Which were they? She claims that she submitted everything as per the requirements.” Ma’am was very clear and focused on her orders. Soon my file was brought, and she checked everything.
(Sorry, final part is formed as the next post, this is too long than expected 😅😅😅)