EMPATHY : It IS difficult!!!

Yeah. Truth is stranger than fiction. There are some situations in life that are so confusing and complicated, that they teach you something unexpected; some random thoughts that you never imagined.

What is life? What is the purpose of living?

The above questions have troubled mankind since time immemorial, just for a simple answer. But if we observe, mankind has struggled a lot just to figure out the simple aspects of this world, may it be a gene (for an organism), a byte (for the complex data in binary language)or sub-atomic paricles(for matter); every simple aspect was known after tremendous, complicated efforts. Human mind, which is one of the basic, simple aspect for man’s dominance in nature, is difficult to be defined, to understand.

Citing an example from my experiences is the very lesson life taught me today. My Janaba (as I call him, a bengali version of “sir” , which started sarcastically) was bit upset with the condition of his phone. That was obvious for a person who depends a lot on his smartphone (like many of us!). My conclusion from his previous calls was that he would never call his ex-schoolmate turned friend for a casual talk. TIll now he always made a call to know something important, and after his job was done, the call ended. I had no complaints, no regrets. It was really interesting to hear him when angry, added him being very busy. My occasional calls disturbed him a lot. He had this quality of being polite to everyone even if they annoyed him. Still he lost his temper when I would speak to him and that made me feel proud ( yeah!! I had achieved something.. I made Mr.Cool lose his cool!).

A rainy day. Moreover no classes, no pending chores to do. TV is a waste box when loneliness engulfs you. Medicos are nerds, some say. Atleast I was a nerd, people who know me superficially, believed. But only few managed to know me completely. Anyways it was a lazy day, with no caffeine to play its wonders (I had planned for a de-addiction, due to 7-8 cups of coffee per day). My phone made a loud noise, which was expected, as I keep getting lot of calls.

Janaba calling

My mobile screen appeared as if it was flaunting with that name. I looked carefully. It was him indeed. My mind prepared a quick probability chart of reasons likely to make him call me.

“Janaba, what happened? What is the problem?”

I knew I had made an embarrassing question, no surprise that he was annoyed.

“Oh okay. So now something must happen to call you. I cannot call you without any reason, without any incident happening huh? You are strange sometimes. Can’t I call my friend for a casual talk?”

“NO… JANABA CAN’T CALL FOR A CASUAL TALK.. TESSA CAN NEVER BE WRONG AT UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE” said my inner voice, who was also my constant critic.

And there we began the so called “casual talk”. He spoke about his plans to go to a place with his family(though he never mentioned the place and purpose, even when asked). He was worried about his cat, as he would not be able to take care of her for few days, and the pet shop folks had to take care. I knew them very well as it was me who gifted the cat to him, long back, for a purpose (a repentance to be precise).But it was purely out of friendship I must say. He still considered me a good friend. He spoke about his personal matters if asked, or to correct me when I would point out that he was a better person than the one he thinks to be. His past relationships were my tales of interest, I often found them funny yet gripping. But till date he had mentioned about just one girl( promised me to narrate others later). I knew her well few years back, slowly lost being in contact as a natural game of time, and got in contact when he reminded me about her. Today he asked her number as he had lost the contact in the phone that got spoilt. Some actions like these did hint me that he considered me to be his very good friend, a fact that I was very happy about.

The hour-long call was ended. It was first time my call log had read Janaba‘s incoming call with that duration. So that meant the worst. I failed indeed to understand him very well. I was yet to realise that he is not the person who always was annoyed with my questions and calls. He was busy. He doesn’t speak much if he won’t feel to, but would speak if he wants to. Today’s incident taught me something- never judge people by just assumptions based on thier behaviour in particular situations. Take some time, don’t think and assume. Just observe. That’s the key to understand people. To be happy. Assumptions and the conclusions that they lead to are the reasons that make us think that people don’t care about us and ignore us, while in reality they do.

I had a cocktail of emotions in my mind. I was sad that I misunderstood Janaba, but happy that he considered me to be a good friend and was ready to speak up without any questions asked. I was also worried about his cat 🙂 . But relieved because she was in safe hands.

With the cat I remembered something.. the childish incident that made me repent and gift him the cat. The deal that he made on a funny quote, but me taking it seriously :-D. I was mentally descending the steps that led to my past memories about him, when my phone rang again.

Ammu calling

It was my mother. “When does your vacation start? Please book the tickets soon and come home. Don’t give me excuses like last year”.😂

“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care.”

– Marvin J. Ashton

An unplanned move

Smartphones are blessings sometimes. Given the apps and the ease with which they let you operate them, life is easy. People get drenched in their day to day worries, but somewhere in a corner of their heart 💓, the desire to try something new does push everyone to get into some new trouble!!

A boring day, bit disappointment… You feel you need to tell the world all those things happening in your mind, and finally your usual way- Google the stuff!!!

Yes…and WordPress was my answer!👍 Well, it may sound cliche, but the fact is that the best ever works are produced from trash, the broken, the depressed. Human mind has this incredible mechanism to cope up with unfavourable conditions, manipulate the situations that causes the trouble, coat them with some gimmicks so that they are bit mysterious(yet relatable) to else, and reproduce the emotions created as music, dance, writing or whatever. And I am exactly doing the same!!

Just lazy to transfer my thoughts to a paper through a pen, but when thought about typing, this seemed better.

So…. A new post… To start with, a new chapter of my long story!!

The day I decided to let him know!!

Yes. Not a crush or so called “one way relationship”. But some things can’t be expressed in words. They could just be mentioned and must be felt by others. After many days, I texted him.

Hi Janaba. How are you?

His sudden disappearance and missing was killing me. I waited for some 2 hours. 1 new message

Going good

😄😄😄I texted back immediately.

Missing from many days… Didn’t find you online. So.. just to know whether things are okay or not. Happy to know that you are doing good!!

I expected an “okay” back. But in return I got a call.

“My phone got spoilt. Will fix that soon. Though I am not interested as too many questions from my friends really irritate me. So, will surely get back to you. And… Had your dinner?”

I smiled. Was speechless over his way of reporting things like a small child. Just a “yes” to the epic question asked, we bid goodbye and the call was disconnected.

“Oh God!! I didn’t reply well. Did that sound rude?”

Called him again… He replied in a rather uninterested tone.

” Don’t call me for some silly matters. I have no other topics to speak. So, will you keep the phone down?”

Okay. That was it. It’s fine. He’s alright. That matters. ☺ But why was I deeply in love with someone who isn’t even interested to talk to me!!! (Okay… I can ignore that as a typical girlish behavior of complaining) But it isn’t because I’ve got no other options. He has something special; the special thing that made a girl, who wanted to be single forever, change her mind.

WhatsApp: 6 messages from 2 chats

When I opened, one was from my friend, my dear Casanova. I said I’m so happy, and the idiot guessed it was because of him, “that guy texted you?” Later we discussed about our friend’s marriage. And many other things as we do often.

MARRIAGE

Well, that word shook me. Was I going to be alone my whole life, for a guy who doesn’t even know that I love him?!

Nope. Will tell him one day. But need to think and complete some other things too.

A blog. My ideas. Sharing. My feelings. My stories.

Everything popped up in my mind like a lightning. And thus, I landed here.

So, in short, an unplanned move to this new “venture”, but hope it works. Tessa Elizabeth loves writing, has some philosophy that makes no sense to the world, but makes sense for some people. Let’s hope he is one among those!!

So friends, in your busy schedule, make space to discover such insanity in life, for being perfect at the cost of your emotions is hard, and not always possible.

“Sell cleverness and buy bewilderment”. Rumi 💓